Wednesday, August 29, 2012

The Wait (The Weight)

The lights reflected off the wall of glass into his eyes.

“What am I doing here in front of so many people?” he wondered.

The noise of people buying concessions and taking their seats was so loud he almost couldn't hear himself think.

“I've done this on so many different nights. Why am I still terrified every time?”

He looked around for someone to answer his thoughts, but his colleagues were engaged in their own rituals before the moment of truth; some praying, others going through the plan step by step in their mind, still others laughing and joking, trying to ignore the fact that thousands of eyes would soon be on them.

“Why do I keep getting myself into this mess?”

It had been five years since he first was standing in this very spot, about to swallow his insecurities and do what was necessary for the good of the group.

“What if I screw up and everyone laughs at me?”

He knew that he'd recover from a chorus of thousands laughing at his incompetence, but there would be one among that chorus whose laughter would cut him deep, so deep that he'd rather crawl in a hole and die than face her afterward.

“Please don't let her see me screw up.”

It was no use though, he was the most easily recognizable person there tonight, even from a hundred yards away. He had a huge target on his chest and any mistake by him would not go unnoticed by anyone. The weight of it on his shoulders seemed to grow heavier by the minute.

“I wish I hadn't forgotten my bandanna.”

The lights bearing down on him were making him sweat, and the sweat was running into his eyes—each drop a stinging wasp—and mouth, giving him that all too familiar taste in his mouth. It was an unpleasant flavor for sure, but the familiarity was strangely comforting.

“I should get lined up. It's starting soon.”

As he made his way to his position, he noticed the advertisements surrounding him and the new logo bearing down. It wasn't much different than the last logo, but it brought thousands more spectators eagerly awaiting to see what merited a revamp of all that had gone before.

“Somewhere among those thousands of tiny faces, she's watching me now. Please don't let me scr-”

His thought was cut short by the announcer's voice over the PA , “LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! The associated students of Utah State University, the Caine College of the Arts, and the Department of Music are proud to present the two thousand and twelve AGGIE! MARCHING! BAND!”

Three sharp blasts from the whistle brought them to attention, followed by the tap off from the center snare drum. Terrified and exhilarated, his veins surged with adrenaline. Another marching season was finally here.

Sunday, August 26, 2012

Without further ado...

It has been a long time.  I haven't written on this blog in just over three years.  In that time, I've spent three months learning a bugger of a language (Albanian) followed by a year and nine months living in Albania.  I was there on an LDS mission, trying to share what I know about Jesus Christ and His church.  It was simultaneously a fantastic adventure and a mundane drudgery.  It was well worth my time though.  I was able to help some people find a little more meaning in their lives as well as learn and grow by leaps and bounds myself.

I also completed yet another year at Utah State University.  I was studying electrical engineering, but over the course of the year have discovered a certain lack of drive in that direction.  I almost never went to my classes or did any of the coursework.  However, my roommate pointed out that I never once missed a band class or percussion lesson.  I have long liked the idea of being a musician or a teacher, so is it too much to ask for both?  I am now officially a music education major with a band emphasis.

This last week and a half, I've been engaged in marching band camp.  While I enjoyed it immensely, I am also ready for a break, which I get until Monday at 3:10.  When I do go back Monday, it will only be for hour and a half rehearsals once per day at most, much more manageable than ten to twelve hours per day.  I've been very frustrated with some of the leadership (or lack thereof) in the drum line, but all in all it's been good.

Well, I don't really know what else to say.  One of the most fun summers of my life is at its close.  Two of my very best friends lived next door to me all summer and we spent much of our time just sitting around and talking.  We also went on a road trip to Caleb's neck of the woods (western Oregon) where they have actual woods.  Spending an entire week with Daniel, Caleb, and Heather was awesome, as was getting to meet Caleb's family.  Caleb has long been one of my favorite people, and now I have a little more context to understand why he is the way he is.  His family seem very friendly as well as deliberate.   I'm not exactly sure how to explain it, but I get the vibe that most things they do and say are intentional.  Stephen Covey in his 7 habits talks about the difference between those who act and those who are acted upon.  Caleb's family is definitely on the act end of the spectrum.  I think they're great.  I enjoyed all of the time I spent with them.

I'm not so sure how often I'm going to get on here and write, or even what I'll write, but I'd like to start writing more.  I have an idea for a song that I'd like to write about one of my favorite TV shows, and an idea or two on short stories.  We'll see what I feel like when it comes time though.

Saturday, May 02, 2009

My Latest Frustration

Most of us are familiar with the exercise in giving/following directions in which you are paired up and then asked to write down directions to do something very ordinary like make a PB&J sandwich. You then trade directions and you have to do exactly what it says, you are not allowed to do anything that it does not say, and you have to do everything listed in the exact order it's listed. Many people forget such simple steps as remove the lid from the jelly before spreading it on the bread. Thus, you have to put the entire jar of jelly on the slice of bread and have to attempt to spread the jar around with the knife.

I bring this up merely as an example of the consequences of poor communication. My latest frustration is particularly regarding girls trying to communicate with boys. Girls tend to try to hint at what they want from us. This does not work! If you want to be miserable while waiting for said guy to figure whatever it is out, that's your business. However, I am a guy, and from my experience, most of us would much prefer you telling us straight.

I was just informed by a third party that a certain girl has been hinting something at me for about 4 months. Much grief and annoyance on the part of both parties involved would have been saved if she had just told me. Girls, hints don't work. "Give it up, you can't win!"-Andrew from StarFox64.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Sad Day...

Jeff is selling his motorcycle. Combined with Kevin's getting totaled last year, that means that our motorcycle gang is officially dead. I got to ride Jeff's motorcycle for the last time today. It was awesome, but sad. Anyway, that is all.

Monday, April 27, 2009


I was camping this weekend on Antelope Island in a teepee. It was raining and windy. For those of you that don't know, teepees have a hole at the top, and the canvas doesn't necessarily go all the way to the ground. It was rather miserable. Anyway, the point of this post is that I've missed so many days and most days that I have posted, I haven't said anything worth saying. So, I basically quit. I'll continue to blog, but only when I actually have something to say.

Thursday, April 23, 2009


Hey, I'm not really feeling it today, so I'm just going to leave you with this little bit of advice from Ali G:
"Crime isn't something you should do, it's something you should don't."